Dentists and Horror Flicks… I hate both!

Posted on October 28, 2010


Fair or not fair to hate both is really not the issue here. Let me tell you why. Dentist were meant to be feared, it was how you got your children to brush and floss every night and every morning. If they didn’t fear 90039204the dentist how the heck are you supposed to get your kids to brush their teeth? You can’t bribe them with candy, that kind of defeats the purpose.

When I was growing up I had a good healthy fear of the dentist, I hated going in for our “cleaning”, it always smelled funny and the dental assistants were always old ladies that again, smelled funny. Today I have a healthy fear of dentist for a whole different reason.

Have you ever wondered where the top performer in dental school ends up? Where the guy that graduates at the top of his class is practicing his trade? Probably not, so let me enlighten you, he’s got his own practice in a town that he will call home for the rest of his life, he may have moved home and taken over the family practice or he’s working at some huge firm with a bunch of other guys that graduated at the top of their classes. Where ever he ends up you won’t find him in the same place as the guy that graduated at the bottom of his class. I know where that guy ends up, he joined the military, his recruiter said, “you already paid for dental school, great here are some lieutenant bars welcome to the Army!” That guy is the reason I HATE dentists. Not the recruiter, nope, the dentist,  the one that started his career as a young, vibrant, aspiring to be the greatest DDS he can be. What really happened is that he got older, closer to retirement and resentful of his civilian counterparts until the day that I,  as a young buck sergeant sat in his chair and he decided, “today!”. “Today is the day that I take out my anger and resentment on my patients, look at this young NCO sitting here, he’s going to be my first victim!” “Him with his straight teeth, obviously he’s used to pain because he endured braces as a child, no cavity in his mouth! Alas all he’s here for is to get some wisdom teeth pulled, damn the luck. But wait I know I can screw him up just a little bit. I’ll just be extra careless while I yank these wisdom teeth out and… oops did I just cause some damage to the temporomandibular joint. That surely will cause his jaw to lock for about 4 weeks putting him on a liquid diet and I’m completely safe from any repercussions, BWAA HA HA HA!”

Did I mention that I really dislike dentists? That is why I can’t figure out why my three year old was so happy about her trip to the dentist the other day. Maybe if they had given me some cool glasses and let me watch Dora The Explorer on the ceiling while they broke my jaw I would have never developed my discontent.

Regardless, Izzy’s first cleaning and sealants went extraordinarily well. She’s a trooper in the dentist chair. Mom captured the event on video for me, enjoy…

Izzy at The Dentist